It started with a stroke...

I've been taking care of my grandfather for about 10 years. He had a stroke, I volunteered to take care of him and I am still here. Taking care.

Over the years friends have suggested I write a blog about my experiences but, being a rather freakishly private person, I couldn't bring myself to it. However, now that I've years of experience, I find that I have become a small font of information on the ways and means of taking care and I want to share what I've learned - and as being a caregiver becomes increasingly difficult I am extremely open to learning from others.

My grandfather is now 93. Some days he is unable to speak or walk or open his eyes. Other days he does better than that. He had high blood pressure but that has, strangely, disappeared. He has spinal stinosis, senile dementia, prostate problems, personality changes since the stroke, and has recently become incontinent. Sundowners has been a problem off and on for the past five years. He's loving and gentle most of the time, dark and angry and violent at others thanks to the dementia. My grandfather is addicted to westerns, porn (that is not a typo), ice cream and bacon. I try to be accommodating to most of his needs, but can only handle so much.

Yesterday a new home health nurse came to the house. A cute and petite dark haired nurse, not particularly friendly but not exactly unpleasant. My grandfather tried to flirt with her - his opening line was "Didn't we go to kindergarten together?" The nurse utterly ignored him so he followed up with the always classic, "Haven't we met somewhere before?" Meanwhile she's taking his blood pressure and asking me questions as if he isn't actually human, or speaking. As the nurse is listening to his heart he throws out the best line ever, "Don't get too close sweetheart, you know, I have a reputation." Then he winked.

The nurse sighed and gave me, an "I'm sick of horny old men" look and went on with the exam. All I could think was that the previous week everyone, including both me and his doctor, thought he'd be dead this week and isn't it fabulous, albeit embarrassing, that he's flirting. And alive.